1. One of my first girlfriends screamed ‘harder daddy’ in the middle of sex once. We were both women.
“One of my first girlfriends screamed ‘harder daddy’ in the middle of sex once.
We were both women.”
2. I told my girlfriend I love her dick.
“Well it was something that I did… Was having sex with my girlfriend and I had an extreme head cold I kept saying the wrong thing all day and sneezing and all that gross shit.
But during sex she kept talking about how good my dick feels, that dirty talk kind of stuff I got close to her ear and just said in the most absolute serious tone ‘I love your dick.’…She just stopped and looked at me and started bursting out laughing almost crying from how funny and serious I sounded. I sat there in disappointment of myself she just kept saying dick so the word dick came out of my mouth instead of vajayjay.
Not proud of myself.
TL;DR Told my girlfriend I love her dick.
Edit: My first majorly up voted comment thanks Reddit. And P.S. I did laugh along with her I was just dying inside as well. But it’s all good now.”
3. She came really hard and then sharted.
“She came really hard as I did too, her vagina clenched really hard (that felt like heaven) which then pushed my penis out and she sharted.”
4. She said to me, ‘Pretend like you love me.’
“My first time with her (I had known her for all of two days), she tried to finger my butt hole, bit my dick rather hard, and said to me (as we were having sex) ‘Pretend like you love me’ and ‘I just want to pretend like someone cares about me.’
Absolutely none of those things were turn-ons.”
5. My tooth goes through my lip and I’m pouring blood all over us.
“I met a girl on Tinder, and we went out a few times, she was honestly amazing and I fell for her pretty hard.
The last time we saw each other, it was late, like 3 or 4AM, and we were having sex in her room. She tells me she has a fighting fetish, and asks if I’m comfortable with it. I agree and we start getting a little rough, slapping and what not.
Out of fucking no where she winds up and punches me directly in the mouth. My tooth goes through my lip and I’m pouring blood all over us.
I freak out and run into the bathroom naked and covered in blood, and run into her roommate in the hall.
They start fighting and I grab my shit and slip out. Once I get to my car she calls me saying shit like ‘I thought you could handle it’ and ‘don’t be a pussy.’
Haven’t talked to her since.
Edit: She saw this and messaged me. Fuck.”
6. Her mom called mid-sex.
“Her mom called mid-sex. She was expecting the call because of some family issue so when the phone rang while she was riding me, she looked at the caller ID, got off me and just said ‘I have to take this, wait’ (she explained after the fact who it was and why she was expecting it, on the moment it was really unexpected for me).
The call lasted around 30 minutes and we were both sitting naked on the bed, her talking about something serious to her mom and me just awkwardly there with my now flaccid penis hidden in a cold and wet condom.
After she was done, it was clear for both of us that the mood was gone but she told me ‘you should have finished without me.’ Yeah, I would have felt really weird jerking off right next to her while she was on the phone with her mom…”
7. She was on top and we were having a really good time when she says, ‘I think we’re better apart.’
“She was drunk and we had just gotten back from a party. She was on top and we were having a really good time when she says, ‘I think we’re better apart.’
I completely froze and asked what she meant. She then explained why we ‘work better apart’ while riding my completely still and rapidly deflating penis.”
8. She just broke down crying.
“She just broke down crying. And it wasn’t just a few tears, but a full-blown crying. I held her tight telling her if everything was alright but she still cried for the next ten minutes. This was during fairly vanilla sex and we’ve done a lot rougher BDSM stuff before so it was confusing. I asked her if she forgot her safe word: ‘No.’ Did I hurt you? ‘No.’ What made you cry? ‘I don’t know.’ It’s a mystery to this day and she can’t figure it out either.”
9. It was like having sex with an auctioneer.
“My girlfriend is a talker. However, at one point, mid gasping orgasm, ‘I always assumed I’d have a wide variety of sexual partners but if this is what you do then I don’t see it as a high priority!’ It was like having sex with an auctioneer.”
10. I once dated a guy who giggled when he…finished.
“I once dated a guy who giggled when he…finished. That was definitely unexpected the first time we had sex.”
11. He screamed as loud as he could into my butthole.
“My husband spread my ass cheeks…and got face real close to my butthole and just screamed. Like screamed as loud as he could. It was so violating for a second and then i died laughing.”
12. She interrupted sex to see of the old lady she was caretaking was still alive.
“One-night stand. She just stops in the middle of the act, goes to the adjacent room naked and starts yelling “Mrs X, helloo… Are you alive? Are you breathing?”. Returns promptly and continues as if nothing happened.
Turns out, she was hired to take care of an elderly woman so she could live with her rent-free.
The old lady was found dead a day or two after that.”
13. At the moment of mutual climax she moans out her ex’s name.
“Had to be at the moment of mutual climax she moans out her ex’s name. God, that’s a memory I wish had stayed buried.
There were tons of ‘I’m sorrys’ and ‘I feel so bads,’ etc. etc. etc. but for me it was like pulling the sword out after having not meant to run me through with it.”
14. ‘You want a taste of this pepperoni?’ No. No, I don’t.
“Old FWB liked to dirty talk (so do I ), but in one of our sessions, he kept referring to his penis as his ‘pepperoni.’
‘You want a taste of this pepperoni?’ No. No, I don’t.
Dried me up like the Sahara Desert.”
15. Screamed, ‘make me a baby!’ This was gay sex.
“Screamed, ‘make me a baby!’ This was gay sex.”
16. He ended up yawning during his orgasm.
“A previous partner of mine was really tired while we were doing it but wasn’t really showing it until he ended up yawning during his orgasm. Never once before did I think someone would do their best Chewbacca impression to me while ejaculating.”
17. She said, ‘Mmmm….I’ve always wanted to fuck a black dick….’ as she was on top of me. I’m a pale redhead with a red beard.
“She said, ‘Mmmm….I’ve always wanted to fuck a black dick….’ as she was on top of me.
I’m a pale redhead with a red beard.
She just apparently figured that moment was the perfectly right time to let me know she’s always wanted to have sex with a black guy.”
18. As I was climaxing, her Rottweiler licked my butthole.
“I was having sex with my ex-girlfriend on her parents kitchen counter and as I was climaxing, her Rottweiler licked my butthole. Buckets.”
19. She looks up and says ‘Have I ever told you how much you remind me of my brother?
“She’s in the middle of giving me head, pauses for a second, looks up and says ‘Have I ever told you how much you remind me of my brother?’ She proceeded to get very upset that I lost my boner.”
20. Middle of sex this girl goes, ‘I can’t believe I’m cheating on my boyfriend for this.’
“One night stand in college. Middle of sex this girl goes, ‘I can’t believe I’m cheating on my boyfriend for this.’ That put a damper on things.”